It Sounded Better in My Head by Nina Kenwood

Author:Nina Kenwood
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: The Text Publishing Company
Published: 2019-06-20T16:00:00+00:00

16

Two Strikes

That night, Lucy and Zach assume we’ll keep doing the same thing as always and swap beds. It’s our last night in Queenscliff. I agree, because what else can I do, but I am feeling sick about it.

Alex doesn’t come back to the house until late. I hear him come in when I’m standing in the bathroom brushing my teeth. He chats to Mariella and Sal for a few minutes, laughs about something, and walks into his room. He sounds happy. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or bad one.

Lucy and I lie in bed and talk until we’re sure Zach’s parents are safely asleep. Then I tiptoe down the stairs, passing Zach on his way up.

‘You okay?’ he says, pausing and looking at my face.

‘Yup.’ I force a smile.

A whole new idea has occurred to me. Alex wasn’t interested in hanging out with me today. I’ve overthought this whole thing. Maybe he was bored and just wanted to hook up. Maybe? Definitely. God, I’m so naive. I am a distraction, a way to fill in time, a stand-in, an it’s-dark-and-I’m-horny-so-she’ll-do hook up. He probably thinks we’re going to have sex tonight.

By the time I’ve reached the bedroom door, I’ve worked myself into a state and I’m furious. It feels so much better to be angry than sad.

‘Hello, stranger,’ he says, as I slip into the room. He’s trying to be cute.

Oh no. Not tonight, buddy. I will not be tricked by cuteness. ‘I’m not having sex with you,’ I say. The words burst out of my mouth, a little louder than I intended. I don’t often say the word sex out loud, I realise in this moment. Other than discussing it with Lucy, I haven’t had many occasions to say it to another person. Certainly not in the context of me having, or not having, the sex in question.

‘Keep your voice down,’ he hisses in a panic.

‘Well, I’m not.’ I put my hands on my hips. This part of relationships, being mad about something and in control, feels like the part I can probably do quite well.

‘What are you even saying?’

‘I. Will. Not. Have. Sex. With. You.’ It’s easier to say the second time. I’m getting good at this.

‘There was no part of my mind that thought we were having sex tonight,’ he says, sounding a little horrified at the thought.

‘Oh,’ I say. That’s a little offensive. I mean, I would have at least liked him to think about it.

‘So you can calm down.’

‘I am calm.’ There is nothing more unattractive than a guy telling a girl to calm down. That’s two strikes against Alex tonight and I’ve been in the room for less than a minute.

‘Okay,’ he says. He sounds a little scared.

I lie on the bed, but don’t get under the sheet.

‘Are you mad at me?’ he asks, eventually.

‘No,’ I say, because admitting I’m mad at him seems like I’m admitting I care more than he does, and everyone knows the person who cares the least is the person who wins.

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